PART 1: MS and Three Drunk Guys, “There Are Noises in my Laundry Room”

— Nov. 18, 2012

My son, Kyle, is a handsome, young bartender living “The Life”. Moved out. Single fellow. Nice car. Nice clothes — and bills…agh!!! The minute his sister goes away to college, he moves back home. Me? I couldn’t be happier! I didn’t know how much I would miss him OR worry about him until he’d gone.

Kyle never brings anybody home — EVER. It’s like we’ve got cooties. So when he sent me a text at 2 a.m. asking, “Mom, can I bring three friends home?” I was ready to put out punch and cookies! But, I just said, “Sure. You know your Dad’s schedule so keep it down, please.”

I awoke at 7:00 a.m. — usual — husband’s gone to work — usual — bumps downstairs in my laundry room…UNusual. I look down the stairs, start to go — then I stop. Someone is in the guest bathroom in the hall. OH! Kyle has company and I have on PJ’s!! I run back up. “Kyle!” I call out. He appears. “Yeah Mom?” I ask “Is everything OK?” He looks up at me and I know something’s “off”. He looks confused, bewildered, whatever it is, I’ve never seen “that” expression before. Whatever it is, I’m glad he’s home. His response —  “Ugh…yeah, I’m figuring that out now.” “Ok Honey.” I turn and walk away.

YESSS!! I’ve finally learned! I’ve got it! He can handle it, if I just LET him. The LESS I say, help, and do — the better! As I bask in the glow of enlightened parenthood, Kyle disappears — and I wait. I can’t walk away, but I can’t help either — so I wait. I am still his Mom. I’ll always wait. For what, you ask? I don’t know exactly. I just wait. Maybe he’ll say, “Mom, will you help?” — but he doesn’t, so I turn and go to my room. I walk away.

Just then “it” comes up the stairs; an odd, unidentifiable sound.  What the hell IS it? Where the hell is it coming from?! I’m puzzled. The “it” that I hear is definitely WATER. I go onto the landing and look over the banister. Clearly, there is no one in the bathroom downstairs.  To add to the strangeness, this water sound is loud and echoing; like it’s in a tunnel, or maybe that of a waterfall!

Kyle is capable of handling whatever this is… remember? Walk away — NOW!

(10 minutes later)

In walks Kyle.

Kyle: “Mom, do you have any towels that you don’t want?”

Me: “We can look, honey.”

Kyle: “The beach towels aren’t real absorbent.”

Me: “Well, honey, all of my other towels are good. What do you want them for?”

Kyle explains

Me: “OMG!!!”




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