I’ve gotten a couple, and I THINK they’re good, so I approved them. Should I do something after?
Monthly Archives: September 2013
Forgive me because I look so good. I would trade you in a heartbeat.
Physical Therapy is important to me. In every case when I’ve needed it, it has made a positive difference for me. Admittedly, doing the exercises at home is a lot less fun. I’m a social person. I get to know everybody there. I refer to the receptionist as my “co-worker”. We talk about all the things co-workers talk about: the kids, weather, recipes, weekends, gossip, and anything else good.
Now, I’m on my own. I need to DO things now that use my new strengths. Why not go to the playgrounds 🙂 I say hello to all the parents and even explain why I’m there. It removes the “creep” factor. I make friends. So far my friends list is only Finn, who’s 8 and his little brother Akai who is 5. He broke his nose out there before we met; yet, I was supposed to know that already, I’m an adult. 😦
On this particular day, the “Dad” said, “But you look so good. The things you can’t do…most people our age, can’t do.” Forgive me here, for the negative feelings this evoked: “That’s because YOU dad, and most people “our” age (He’s at least 15 years younger than I am) are 100 pounds overweight…just like you. They also don’t WORK as hard as I do, eat like I do, take the meds. that I do, or make the choices that I do, to stay as able as I do. They don’t leave the career they love, and the money that goes with it. They don’t “crash” 12 hours a day from fatigue, and have less sex. Random I know but, no energy…no sex. Keeping my temperature down is so critical, I may shave my head in the summer while you go out tan. I’m a VEGAN for goodness sake, and you look like a steak! They’ve never been in a wheelchair, felt my pain, never used a cane, and never had to be carried up the stairs by their husband. THEY, Mr. Fat dad, take these things for granted. Forgive me because I look good. I would trade you in a heartbeat. Except the 100 pounds, you can keep that.”
Of course I didn’t say any of that, I paused, and said, “Well, ugh thanks…I guess”.
Truth is, I know Fat Dad has his own cross to bear and no, I wouldn’t trade him…EVER. I’ll keep my MS and all the crap that goes with it. It’s MINE and we’ve learned to co-exist well…well, well enough.
To be comfortable outside of one’s comfort zone, you’ve got to go there daily. Eventually, what’s uncomfortable becomes comfortable. That’s what I tell myself.
Not doing what I used to do has been driving me up the wall. My goal is to do even more than I did before. I want a job. Not just ANY job, but a job that is outside of my comfort zone. My strategy to achieve this is, to do something outside of my comfort zone everyday! Oh yeah, I’ll do some other things too, get stronger, do my exercises, meditate, get enough sleep, drink more water, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill.
It helps that I’m pissed off because I’ve lost some things, like my camera. I haven’t actually lost it, but I’ve lost the ability to use it. My balance and strength being issues, my 20 pound camera bag, plus my tripod is just impossible. I’ve been reduced to my CELL PHONE CAMERA! Nonetheless, “getting the shot” has always made me, walk further, squat deeper, climb higher, go off the road, and…under the bridge. Push myself.
This past week my comfort zone adventures were to the Palmer Riverside Pier Park, Easton’s Wed. Farmer’s Market, Bethlehem’s Municipal Walking Park, and Veg Fest in Bethlehem, PA.
I want to wrap this up by saying, please, go outside of your comfort zone, wherever that might take you. Whether it’s white water rafting or going to the mailbox, do it…a lot. You’ll discover you can recover some of the old you, or if you’re lucky, you’ll discover an even better, new you.
Links of interest for services/places featured in this weeks slideshow as well as “Pintlala Creek” Under the Bridge:
Lil. E.: “MOM! Did you see their butts?”
Mom: “Whose butts Honey?
Lil. E. “The guys Mom. The guys dancing!”
Mom: “Which ones Honey?”
Lil. E. “ALL OF THEM!”
These butts are the ones admired…ALL OF THEM!
We had gone into New York City to see the Broadway Musical, “Chicago”. Art, in all its forms, can be transcending. It can be used (butts or no butts) to get into your mind, and take you to another place: a place of comedy, music, drama, excitement, beauty, longing, love, peace, inspiration, and…for me, ability. It can be used to help heal. Whether it’s on line, in a book, or in person, whether it’s a play, a poem, or a painting, give it a chance.
I found myself in tears as the show ended and I didn’t know why. Lil. E. looked at me in my shame and said, “It’s okay Mom, Theater can be an emotional experience. People are just, moved.”That was comforting. I wiped my tears and looked “normal”. Then it happened.
We were outside the theater so Lil.E. could get autographs as the performers left. The last performer to leave was, Amra-Faye Wright.
Lil. E. had explained to me already that she, who was one of the two lead characters in the play was, FIFTY-THREE YEARS OLD! I couldn’t believe it! All of the other performers had to be HALF her age and she commanded the stage!
She is older than me (a little), and if she can do THAT, surely I can walk better! She was just the inspiration I needed. She stopped and took a picture with me and yes, I was crying. I was totally embarrassed. I imagined she thought, “What the hell?” But it really didn’t matter.
With art, even the artist, will not know how each person will be affected by their work. They’re role is to perform, to paint, to sculpt. Their job is to create, and put it out into the Universe so it can make a difference, whatever that might be.
COMMENTS: Is there a work of art that has affected you in a positive way? Anything life changing?
My quaint hometown of Easton, PA has the oldest continuous running open-air Farmer’s Market in the country, and the best. It began in 1732. Today, I used it as a test. I went last year and I felt like Katnis, in “The Hunger Games” trying to get out alive. It was treacherous. My balance was horrible and it was worsened by the cobblestone walk, the flowers, the tents, the colors, the tables, the crowds, the food, the smells, the talking, the music! It was sensory overload. I got home in tears, vowing to never leave the house again.
Now…I think I’m ready to go back in.
Now that the day is over, I am still alive. Not heroic, but alive. Not in tears, just tired.
My goal is to attain a level of ability that allows me to move through the world unencumbered. To move, to walk, to work. That is my goal.
VENDORS in SLIDESHOW: Apple Ridge Farms, Easton Salsa Company, Artist’s in the Alley
COMMENTS: What is your benchmark for good health? What is your goal? What are you doing to get better? What do you use to indicate that you are doing your best?