My Dad only has One Testicle: MS, Kids and Cancer

On this day at work I sat on the school bus seat across from 11 year-old Ian and his 10 year-old brother Brian. KindrgrtnBsThe minute I pulled out my knitting- SWOOSH! Ian was next to me. He was fascinated and eagerly asked questions. Are you knitting? Yeah, do you wanna try? Happy response. I put my arms around him and held his hands around the needles and guided him through a couple of stitches.

Me: “So what’s your favorite subject?”

Ian: “Science, but my concentration is Visual Arts and Music. I play the violin.”

Me: “I LOVE science and know a lot about it, and I’ve wanted to play the Violin forever!”

I don’t know where (or why) in the conversation Ian tells me, “My Dad had Testicular Cancer”. Somewhere before or after he told me that there are 208 bones in the body.

Confused_2_tnb

Ian: “Yep, and he only has one testicle, like Lance Armstrong. Who you know, by the way, is actually a good guy?”

Me:”Absolutely he is.”

Now little brother Brian slides over to say that his friend told him about a bone that we don’t need.

Me.: “Hmmm, I know we don’t really need the appendix, but I don’t know of a bone we don’t need.”

Ian: “Can you die from cancer?”

Me: “Yes, but Testicular Cancer is one of the best kind to have, ESPECIALLY if they catch it early like Lance Armstrong.”

Ian: bright eyed, “Oh yeah, they caught it really early! He walked at this thing to raise money and there was a big sign that said TWO YEARS CANCER FREE.”

Me: Wiping the sweat from my brow I say,” That is awesome! Your Dad is great. He’s a survivor!”

Brian: “What’s a survivor?”

Me: “Someone like your Dad, who doesn’t die from cancer.”

Ian: “Lots of people die from cancer.”

Me: “Yes, they do, but lots of people don’t. It’s hard for the body to fight cancer, but medicine has lots of new things to help.

Brian: “Like CHEMO! Pause…But it makes your hair fall out.”

Ian: “What is Cancer?”

Me: “Welllll, do you know about cells? Your body is made of a bazillion cells? and…”

GEEEEZ! When are we gonna get to their bus stop? Please… drive faster!

It’s obvious that these boys are extremely bright and that their parents love them very much, and have done all the right things to help them deal with this.  They also seem to need to talk about their Dad’s cancer some more. I looked like a “safe” person. A stranger that they felt like could trust with their feelings. I passed the short test: I cared enough about them to show them how to knit, I listened to them, I didn’t freak out at the word Testicular, and I didn’t bash Lance Armstrong.

My children were 5 and 10 when they first heard that their Mom has MS. I too thought I did all of the right things to help them deal with this. Did I? These boys clearly asked me questions that someone had already answered for them, like “can you die from cancer?” Maybe even, “What is cancer?” Someone giving better answers I’m sure, but these boys still had an overflow of emotions regarding this, that they still needed to get it “out”.  A  healthy way to do that was to “talk about it”.

Did I do the right things for my kids? I realize now, that I could have done more. A talk/play group. Something run by someone professional…qualified. Run by someone who knew HOW to get the kids to talk comfortably about their feelings, specifically those feelings regarding my illness. I was not that person for these boys. I do feel though, that I did no harm. These boys will be fine; they are emotionally able to talk, and they’ll find a person  to talk to.

Comments: How have you helped the children in your life deal with your chronic illness, or maybe that of a close family member, a Grandparent, sibling,  or Aunt, or Uncle? Can you think of other ways that someone might try to help their children cope?

Please share. It’s a tough time for the children too.

Some articles that you may find helpful and the websites that I found them in:

10 Challenges for Parents With Chronic Illness

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/27/10-challenges-for-parents-with-chronic-illness/

Parents and Chronic Illness

http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/parents-and-chronic-illness/

5 tips for parents with chronic conditions

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/985629/parenting-with-a-chronic-illness

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “My Dad only has One Testicle: MS, Kids and Cancer

  1. grrateful1

    STELLAR!!

    Like

  2. It is never easy….. I haven’t had to deal with telling my children about an illness that I have/had but I’ve worked with children that have/had illness. Most all with terminal illness. It is always best to give them a platform to talk. Although it may not cure them it can help them feel better. I am a proponent of talking about life (good, bad, and ugly). If it helps 1 it is worth it.

    Like

  3. Lishala, in what ways do you give them this “platform”? I mean like , role-play , or do you find that just asking the right questions is enough? Because of your profession, you probably know the “right” question to ask.I worry about not asking the “right” question, therefore never getting them to really get in touch (talk about) their feelings. Is there one easy way to start this dialog?
    Here is a hypothetical: What if you had a parent with Alzheimers (their grandparent), would you talk to them about that?

    Like

  4. Glad you liked it! Have you ever had to talk to a young one about an illness???

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s