The Day After Mother’s Day

I was in the beauty shop today and making small talk with the woman sitting next to me. I asked “do you have children?”

First Christmas as a new Mom, Ho, Ho, Ho.

First Christmas as a new Mom, Ho, Ho, Ho.

Instantly her demeanor changed. She became sad and said, “ no”. When I saw this I perked up and gave her an excited “GOOD for YOU! That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!” She seemed shocked by my reaction but then gave me a timid smile, kinda like laughing at a joke you’re not sure is meant to be funny. I went on to say, “OMG my life would be so much different if I had done that. More money, more vacations, more freedom, more FUN! Personally I think it’s a dirty trick played on us by society. Everybody makes it look soooo easy, adorable and wonderful. We’re like those lemmings that blindly follow the leader right off the cliff. I blame Angelina and Brad more than most. There’s this thing in us that makes us automatically do it, and feel sad if we don’t, and nobody tells the truth. You don’t know the truth til you’ve got’em and then you’ve got to continue playing the game or you seem like an awful parent, and who wants that!

If you’re reading this, you’re already my Facebook friend and you know what kind of parent I am. Imperfect, and if you DON’T know that, then you drank the kool-aid. Nobody is perfect, especially a parent, or even… good at it. We all just do the best we can at the moment, to always think that we’re doing it wrong.

So don’t be sad my sisters, and for god sake, don’t think you’re missing something. If you do, come to my house. Bring a bag because you’ll need to stay a couple of days (or weeks) to really get a feel for it. Stay til you get tired and don’t feel like doing it anymore and they’re still here. Stay til they get tired of YOU. Stay til they get pneumonia. Stay til they stay out all night. Stay til they bring that girl (or guy ) home with the tattoos up the ying yang. Stay til they get tattooed up the ying yang. Stay til they announce that you make EVERYthing worse! Stay til they fall in love.

Oh, and don’t leave now. It’s just getting good. Now… stay and fix it all.

Okay. You have your journey and I have mine. Neither one is more or less meaningful because of kids, so stop wishing secretly that you had my life. I need for you NOT to. You bring balance to my world I live thru you vicariously. You are my Condoleezza Rice and my Olivia Pope. You are my Robin Roberts and my Oprah. You are my Helen Mirren, my Cameron Diaz and my Johne’Parker.

Oh, and are people disrespectful enough to ask you …why? You must promise me that you’ll have ONE answer…drop dead!

P.S.Lemmings jumping off of a cliff is as much a myth as perfect parenting.

I just thought I’d share this tonight.

Comments welcome:

Do you have children? If you do, is parenting what you expected it to be? If not, how is it different?




Filed under MS and Family

4 responses to “The Day After Mother’s Day

  1. Wow, I can’t even begin to tell you the thousand ways I love this post! I was hyper-focused on my education, then career, and always thought that children-making could be my future if my ovaries were to suddenly start chattering. Although the latter never really happened in a significant way, I “suddenly” find myself firmly standing in middle-age land, with motherhood potential almost assuredly behind me. I am mostly happy with my life, but that’s not to say that there aren’t moments in which I have pangs of doubt and regret (particularly when I feel I’ve somehow “failed” my parents in dutifully providing them grandchildren and insuring propagation of the gene pool!) Hearing your words in this post, coming from a mother herself, no less, is like balm to my soul. Thank you!


  2. Jeanette

    I have 5 sons. 3 were delivered and 2 were gifts. I assumed that because I knew what NOT to do, this was going to be easy. I was convinced my mother was an awful mom and I was going to do better. LAWDHAMMERCY this journey has been humbling at best. This did not turn out like The Cosbys but I believe that I have grown up as much as them.


  3. Jeanette,
    LAWDHAMMERCY! You make me laugh out loud, hahaha 🙂 Amazing journey it is. What I have learned about what I know is that, I know nothing. Oh! that’s not true. I have recently (in the last ummm,3years) come to realize that this is a co-journey. In a sense, we are raising each other. Sometimes I think that, I might be the one learning the most about life, the universe, and my place in it. And I love my two teachers, even if I don’t always like them. Wow, it’s kinda like being in a real classroom. I know my students there loved me. I’ve seen them protect me but, we did have “our days”.


  4. As I read your response my goosebumps grew.Now that I’m finished reading it, I’m close to teary. Your response is the only one so far that’s not from one of my “friends” and I was frightened. All while writing this I wanted to honestly tell my childless friends (you) how I felt while not being hurtful, and I was very nervous about the latter.
    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

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