MS and Anger: “Falling the Fuck Apart”!

So you wanna know about “anger issues” when dealing with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis? This question caused me to go back into my blog post’s and find this post. I knew I MUST have written about it SOMEwhere. I did…and it’s a joke. “To Not Unravel”, clearly, it was early on in my blogging and I hadn’t come to terms yet with how “politically correct” to be. Well, I’m over THAT! How bout ” Falling the Fuck Apart”.

First Christmas as a new Mom, Ho, Ho, Ho.

First Christmas as a new Mom, Ho, Ho, Ho.

When first diagnosed I was cool, but about four years into it, I became a beast. As my husband would say, “A PitViper”. I was unbearable…even to myself. I had no idea it was my MS. I thought I was just exhausted (I now know, THAT WAS MY MS) I had two small children though, and I thought it was just life, not MS. That was until one day I noticed my brain was boiling. I sat down on a footstool in the kitchen and called my sister-in-law, the nurse. (What the hell was I thinking; I should’ve had my Neurologist on speed-dial) She told me to eat some bread and take some ibuprofen. I did that and went into a quiet room to meditate. The boiling feeling stopped.

Now that I’m twenty years into it, I realize “Hindsight truly is 20/20”! That wasn’t the first time I had noticed the “boiling” sensation and I NEVER mentioned it to my Neurologist but, I did recognize that this problem was:

  1. Physiological
  2. In my brain (where I now understand much more about the presence of lesions)
  3. Something that I could stop, with the right tools, knowledge, and sometimes drugs.

The doctor that I DID go to about this was my Psychologist. Yes, it was MS related. Although I didn’t know that at the time, what I did know was that I had to have someone to talk to about it. That someone had to have enough skill (and sense) to know that, I wasn’t crazy. She listened (once a week) and then threw me headfirst into “Mindfulness Meditation”. That is what saved me.

Is this the face of a beast?

Is this the face of a PitViper?

I started with the book “Full Catastrophe Living” by John Kabat Zinn.

JUST DO IT, and remember these things:

  1. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, you are not a bitch (or bastard)
  2. You are still be a good mom, dad, daughter , sister, or brother.
  3. The MOST important thing in MS is that you’ve GOT to take care of yourself…”By Any Means Necessary”.


Have you experienced anger issues with MS or any other Illness?

Have you come to manage it, and if so…how?



Filed under Mental Well-Being, Stress Management, Uncategorized

6 responses to “MS and Anger: “Falling the Fuck Apart”!

  1. AnonMS Blogger

    This post touched a nerve. (No pun intended.) This is something I’ve only recently come to grips with, recognizing that there are times when my anger boils over for no logical reason. I told my wife that sometimes it feels like a wave coming over me, and I know I’m in it, but I still have to fight my way out of it. And I didn’t used to be like this. So I’ve also recognized it as a sign of things that are different, and not just because my mind is preoccupied with medical stuff, but an actual, physical change in me. I have not looked into any formal meditation solutions (and haven’t discussed with my neuro yet), but I do try to recognize when I am stuck in one of those waves of anger, and, especially when my wife and kids are in the thick of it, being quick to apologize as soon as I come out of it. There’s enough going on physically, that I don’t need the anger wave to be a controlling influence in my life.


  2. It’s hard to pay this kind of attention to ourselves. I would say you’ve already got some kind of informal meditation going on. I think that, that is needed to identify the wave. Recognition and apologies make a HUGE difference.What pushed me over into “formal” meditation was also in part, that I was a high school teacher desperately trying to stay in the classroom. You can imagine how much energy THAT took.Add the stress, the fatigue, whatever invisible symptom of the day was present PLUS TEENAGERS, and I was a molotov cocktail by the time I got home. Formal meditation changed my life. I hate to sound so cliche, but it’s true. I came to accept that I HAD to let somethings go; my income, and it doesn’t get easier as the years go by.Stuff continues to cost money. Kids continue to grow. Before you know it…I digress:) Point is, my anger was destroying my life and,especially the most fragile little people in it. Major changes were in order and, Mindfulness Meditation was just the beginning. Oh and by the way, you are not alone, and thanks so much for sharing:)


  3. Normally anger is a secondary emotion resulting from hurt, fear or frustration. Knowing that has really helped me understand why I feel like an erupting volcano sometimes. Never considered having a boiling MS brain – I’ll have to watch for it. Perhaps its the one area of my brain MS has not affected yet.


  4. And it’ll NEVER happen to you! You know how this lovely friend of ours is:) VEEEERY different for everybody. Actually, I haven’t had THAT sensation in years. The more I learned tho about lesions and their placement, the more I came to understand about how things show up “here” and not ‘there”. I’m with you on the hurt, fear and frustration. I tend to think more narrowly…just fear. I might also add fatigue.
    Like you said too, knowing really helps!


  5. I’m sorry if you misinterpreted my comment – it was meant to thank you for alerting me. Of course it could happen to me tomorrow, which is why I will watch for it. I’m sorry it has happened to you. Lesions are nasty and relentless.


  6. That’s how wreckless the internet is!!!ugh! we cannot see each-others facial expressions:) All I felt from your comment was support and love!
    This is the exact reason that I worry about our youth…all they seem to do is communicate on somekinda screen like this.


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