Forgive me because I look so good. I would trade you in a heartbeat.
Physical Therapy is important to me. In every case when I’ve needed it, it has made a positive difference for me. Admittedly, doing the exercises at home is a lot less fun. I’m a social person. I get to know everybody there. I refer to the receptionist as my “co-worker”. We talk about all the things co-workers talk about: the kids, weather, recipes, weekends, gossip, and anything else good.
Now, I’m on my own. I need to DO things now that use my new strengths. Why not go to the playgrounds 🙂 I say hello to all the parents and even explain why I’m there. It removes the “creep” factor. I make friends. So far my friends list is only Finn, who’s 8 and his little brother Akai who is 5. He broke his nose out there before we met; yet, I was supposed to know that already, I’m an adult. 😦
On this particular day, the “Dad” said, “But you look so good. The things you can’t do…most people our age, can’t do.” Forgive me here, for the negative feelings this evoked: “That’s because YOU dad, and most people “our” age (He’s at least 15 years younger than I am) are 100 pounds overweight…just like you. They also don’t WORK as hard as I do, eat like I do, take the meds. that I do, or make the choices that I do, to stay as able as I do. They don’t leave the career they love, and the money that goes with it. They don’t “crash” 12 hours a day from fatigue, and have less sex. Random I know but, no energy…no sex. Keeping my temperature down is so critical, I may shave my head in the summer while you go out tan. I’m a VEGAN for goodness sake, and you look like a steak! They’ve never been in a wheelchair, felt my pain, never used a cane, and never had to be carried up the stairs by their husband. THEY, Mr. Fat dad, take these things for granted. Forgive me because I look good. I would trade you in a heartbeat. Except the 100 pounds, you can keep that.”
Of course I didn’t say any of that, I paused, and said, “Well, ugh thanks…I guess”.
Truth is, I know Fat Dad has his own cross to bear and no, I wouldn’t trade him…EVER. I’ll keep my MS and all the crap that goes with it. It’s MINE and we’ve learned to co-exist well…well, well enough.