Tag Archives: writing

Missing You

On June 22, I had a post suggesting that I would be blogging less. Well, that’s ridiculous. I still think and write through the eyes of my blog. I see everything through the eyes of…how can I blog about that, or, that should be a blog post or, hmmm, I wonder how I can make that INTERESTING? So I guess this means I’ve missed you, even though I haven’t actually gone anywhere, and “you” is, my three friends, two of whom I talk to weekly.

FINE! What I really miss obviously is…blogging. Researching stuff, learning stuff, being fascinated, and having a good reason to surf the internet! MS, is my excuse, and guess who I found today??

Tamia! One of my husbands favorite artist, and can you see why? She’s talented…of course! LOL

He was also the one to tell me that Tamia was diagnosed with MS.

This saddens me, but from my own experience, I know this definitely is NOT the end of the world. She is still quite HOT and she inspires me, and my husband too! Tee hee hee 🙂

COMMENTS:

Now, nice little break! Back to the point. What do you like to do? (me…I know I’ve gotta remind you after all that hotness, writing) What do you use as your excuse? (me? blogging) Annd you definitely don’t have to have MS to answer this :/ Jump right in!

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Meet me at the Photo-shoot: Going outside of your comfort zone.

 

To be comfortable outside of one’s comfort zone, you’ve got to go there daily. Eventually, what’s uncomfortable becomes comfortable again. That’s what I tell myself.

AComposite1

Abby met us at the door. She was glowing, not because it was hot, and it was, but because she is a new mom giving birth in about 4 weeks. She’s one of my “Young Barista’s”. A group of young people who have worked in my favorite cafe’ over the past few years. They had taken very good care of me in my hours there, writing. They have also at one point or another, modeled for me, and I’ve told them all, “when you have your first baby, call me. I will do a photo-shoot for you.” So, I wasn’t surprised to answer my phone and hear Abby say, “Estizer, remember when you said…”

I’ve since learned to never tell anyone what I will do in the future. This could not have come at a worse time. I haven’t taken my “real camera” out in about 2 years, and was honestly just not strong enough to do it now. But…how could I tell her, no.

I mentioned this to a dear friend, Karen T., who has helped me before on photo-shoots.  She said, “you can do it with help though, right? I’ll be your “photo-go-fer”, for a day. I was overjoyed, this meant I could tell her, YES!

The day of the shoot came, and it was extremely hot. The heat was taking it’s toll on me but, my first concern was my pregnant Mom. Did she have water? Was she in the shade? Was she relaxed? While I was watching Abby, Karen was watching me. Do you have any water? Can you come into the shade? What else do you need?

I only had to “think”, I need the camera over here and Abby over there; Karen and “Dad”were on it. In this heat, it was tough for me to think everything through. The technical stuff, F-stops and shutter speeds, filters and sunlight. Ultimately, I had to let the thinking go.The technical stuff was overwhelming. I took a deep breath, relaxed, and let my inner photographer go free. I kept an eye on my watch because I was mindful of my pregnant mom. I wanted to finish and be out the door in under two hours. 1 hour and 45 minutes…SUCCESS!

Karen and I went to dinner. I was so exhausted that I cried in the parking, lot out of sheer gratitude and overwhelming fatigue.

I can push myself through the eye of a needle, but, the cost can be quite high. In this case, so was the pay off.

Push yourself. Go outside of your comfort zone. You’ll discover you can recover some of the old you, or if you’re lucky, you’ll discover something even better…a new you.

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What takes you outside of your Comfort Zone? What things have you changed to make that happen?

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Filed under Ilness and The Arts, Mental Well-Being, MS and Exercise, MS and Fatigue, MS and Pregnancy, MS and Visualization, Riding Out a Relapse, Uncategorized

My Board of Directors

The Board-MS Open Mic: President-Estizer Smith Member 1- Estizer Smith, Member 2- Estizer Smith, Member 3- Estizer Smith, Member 4- Estizer Smith

MS Open Mic Board: President-Estizer Smith
Members: Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith

I began this blog as a “non-profit” organization with Articles of Cooperation, a board of directors and everything. We made the mission statement and set the goals. I began to crank out posts. Prior to the publication of every post, we meet for the board to review it. They are vicious! Many of my post land on the floor, others are edited to the bone and I am left with nothing. As pissed off as I can become with them and as much as we argue, this actually works very well. It weeds out all of the posts that don’t align with the mission statement and goals, which are clearly stated by the board:

“We strive to share information about the disease, Multiple Sclerosis, that is accurate, enlightening, uplifting, and when possible, humorous.”

MS is known to be a frightening disease. There is no bigger fear than fear of the unknown.

Be aware, some of our posts are not “real time”. Every board member contributes and facilitates me with the content, by offering their own personal experience with MS. Some of what you read may have occurred in different states (no one is international yet) in different states of mind, and at different times. We have a combined 20 years of experience, bringing to the table many different insights and perspectives. A few are:

1. What it’s like to be newly diagnosed.

2. Life style changes.

3. Effect on personal relationships.

4. Effect on family and work life.

5. Maintaining mental and physical well being.

6. Transitioning from Relapsing Remitting MS to Primary Relapsing MS…or not.

7. Effective communication with your doctor.

8. Aging with MS.

Our goal is to help you face your fear.

 Board President-Estizer Smith Board Members-Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith

Board President-Estizer Smith
Board Members-Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith, Estizer Smith,
Estizer Smith

  • DisclaimerWhen I began writing my blog I was extremely frustrated. I wanted to write from a point of education, inspiration and humor. This happened to be much more difficult than I had imagined.  I struggled endlessly with what to write. More importantly, how to write it staying true to my goals. I explained to a friend that I felt as if there was a committee in my head, arguing about every post! Little people, and before I could post anything, they all had to agree that it met my goals!
  • Comments and Thoughts: What else would you like for us to write about? What is your greatest MS fear?

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Filed under Riding Out a Relapse

MS: My Mind-Body Connection

The house is SO quiet; I can hear the hum of emptiness. The holidays are over, and as of yesterday my husband and I are “empty nesters”… I think; does being off at college count? I’ll tell you what, it’s the first time in twenty years that we didn’t have to “close the door”. It was AWESOME!

I’ve got to take immediate action to fill the emptiness. In the three weeks that the house was filled with holiday energy and family I experienced improvement with my MS relapse that I can measure. It’s exciting and supports the Mind-Body Connection Approach to healing. As I researched this approach, I discovered that there is much more to it than I first thought.

MIND-BODY CONNECTION

(BODY)Observations at start of Holiday break: Legs extremely weak, mobility very unstable. Outside of house dependent upon cane 100%.

(MIND)Changes observed: 1st day home, daughter hugged me and told me quietly she was glad I was doing “okay”. She has clearly been worried and is now relieved. I felt an increased level of concern and compassion. Son home more and he’s very happy. He’s planning to move out, which adds to his happiness. I am going to miss him; I enjoy having his “energy” in the house. Ultimately, both children will leave.

(MS RESULTS) Symptoms observed during last week of Holiday Break: Legs still extremely weak, mobility moderately stable. I have not used my cane at all in a week. Used family members for stability (held daughters hand). Went out alone! Still have trouble with the “wobbly, drunk” walk but not enough to use my cane. Just slow down, or stop walking, recover…stabilize, and start again.

To me, this is a clear case of a “Mind-Body, Connection” and I’m excited because I have a measurable outcome. The official research is much more sophisticated, with hypnosis, guided imaginary, meditation, visualization and a few more long words. I AM a believer in many of these techniques and if they are given serious time and energy, I’m sure they can be used quite effectively in developing a mind-body approach that fits. It is NOT, I repeat…not, a one-size fits all scenario. I meditate and I just don’t think about it being a part of my M-B healing approach, but it most certainly is. Writing in my journal and on my blog are as well.

If I were my own doctor however, I would insist on more aggressive “mindful” activities. My goal is to continue the positive effects that I am seeing in my body right now. These activities are not the kind that my mind needs to “connect” with my body, for continued healing; to bring me out of this relapse! My mind needs compassionate activities that involve other people and physical touch. My mind needs lots of hugs, maybe small children; photographing a pre-school class. Teaching photography to six year-olds. An art project that I am emotionally invested in, maybe a play. See my son once a week… learn to shoot pool. It is important for me to stay as active as possible and emotionally engaged. Not at ALL one size fits all.

That’s an awful lot of work. Maybe I’ll just get a puppy. I’ve heard that they’re great for filling empty houses and…hearts.

Meet Malcolm!

Meet Malcolm!

Leave a comment; tell me what you think:
Can you put your finger on an event that might have triggered a relapse?

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Filed under Awesome Sex, Mental Well-Being, Mind-Body Connection